


trauma

by kenhwan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt, trauma m/v inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 06:11:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12451230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenhwan/pseuds/kenhwan
Summary: Wonwoo’s throat rumbles with a quiet laugh, thumb circling over the back of Mingyu’s hand. “I’ll be fine. I just want to go home. I’m sure it’s a mess now, huh?” He quietly teases, and it catches Mingyu off guard just a bit before he stiffles a laugh as well. He’s not going to straight up lie, but it is a mess, so his only answer is, “I’ve been trying.”





	trauma

**Author's Note:**

> tread carefully lmao . none of these places actually exist but uh . yeah theres attempted suicide and 6 months in a rehabilitation facility

Mingyu recieves the first letter from the North Seoul Psychiatric and Trauma Treatment Center on Novmber 16th. It’s a short letter that breaks his heart, as it only reads a few words, “I’m sorry, I love you.” He doesn’t know whether it hurts more because there’s no reason for Wonwoo to be sorry, or because this is all Wonwoo, who’s always been so good with words and where to put them, has to say to him. 

He wants to send one back, a good one, explaining that Wonwoo doesn’t have a single reason to be sorry and he should know that, but he also knows that he’s not in such a good state right now and doesn’t want to sound like he’s scolding him. So he writes back, “I love you too, call when you can.” But he’s not sure Wonwoo will, either because he won’t be allowed or because he’s always preferred words on pages rather than speaking. 

The next letter comes on November 25th, and it’s completely full, front and back of quick, next handwriting that he’s come to know as his boyfriends. When he reads it, he wishes they could go back to the letters containing less than 10 words. It all reads things of, “I miss you so very badly,” and more “I love you” but also things like “I feel like I’m drowning,” or “I just want to go home,” that make his chest ache with grief and worry. 

&&

Most of all, it makes him feel guilt. It makes him so fucking guilty, because he can’t shake the feeling that it’s all his fault. But it- He was doing what was best. Wonwoo’s never liked crowds, or even small groups of more than one or two people at a time. His anxiety’s always been high and well - Mingyu couldn’t bare to think of what would happen if _everyone_ knew. 

So Mingyu carried on his career as a world class model during the day, and came home at night to Wonwoo, his loving boyfriend that no one outside of their family and friends needed to know about. And it was fine for a while. 

Mingyu’s known Wonwoo as long as he could remember, and he likes it that way. He likes to think back to all his happiest moments and see Wonwoo there, all dark eyes and shy smiles and tight, tight squeezes of his hand. He always gets Wonwoo a ticket to his catwalks and shows and all of those things. Knowing him for so long, he knows about his struggles and his ever present disorders and loves him all the same, why wouldn’t he? 

Everything was going so well, Mingyu was making money and Wonwoo was finally getting his poetry books published ( sometimes, he would write a particularly sad or deep poem and have Mingyu proof-read it and then Mingyu would go on to cuddle him all night and make sure he was okay ) and then it just - Happened. 

Wonwoo had left his family when he turned 19 and never quite turned back. He didn’t speak to his mother besides for the occasional ‘Happy Holidays’ when she messaged him first, so Mingyu was the first to get the call. 

_Kim Mingyu_

_Yes?_

_This is the North Seoul Hospital, Jeon Wonwoo has you as his first emergency contact, you know him?_

His heartrate went up exponentially. He’d known he’d missed a call from Wonwoo earlier, b ut he really couldn’t answer and figured that it would be nothing too important, nothing that couldn’t wait. _Yeah he’s- yeah. Is he okay?_

_We’re . . . He’s stable. Can you get here as soon as possible?_

_Already on my way._ And he was, already starting up his car and slamming the door shut when he hung up. 

When he got to the hospital, he put his facemask on and all but ran inside. _I’m here for Jeon Wonwoo, the doctors called me, where is he?_

He was given a room number, but the doctors stopped him outside and made him fill out about 15 papers, given half of them only needed a signature. 

_Cut himself up pretty bad, wasn’t sure he was gonna make it at first, looks like he was really going for it, but we got him stitched up. He might be a little groggy or out of it, he just woke up about 20 minutes ago and we’ve got him on a few medicines. Just don’t get him too wound up. We gave him a mental eval about an hour after he calmed down, and just to tell you, from the looks of it, he’ll have to go somewhere for a while._ They’d explained. 

Mingyu remembers another time this happened, when they were in 9th grade and Wonwoo was getting bullied pretty bad, not even by the popular kids, just people who’d decided they didn’t like him for one reason or another. They made fun of him for wearing darker clothes and asking him if his grades were from doing _things_ with the teachers and all things like that. It scared Mingyu so bad, he was so angry at those kids, but now he feels that he only has himself to blame 

When he slowly, quietly, opened the door, Wonwoo was sitting up on the edge of the bed, and Mingyu instantly wanted to cry. His hair was all disheveled and he was wearing those stupid paper hospital clothes they make you change into, and his arms were bandaged all the way up his forearm. 

He walked over to the bed and just stood there, because Mingyu didn’t want to say anything wrong and well - Words weren’t his strong suit. He took a step closer and was a bit startled when Wonwoo wrapped his arms around his middle, burying his face in Mingyu’s stomach. It took a few moments, but he could tell the older was crying. Like everything else about him, his crying was quiet and the only real noises were the occasional chokes and sniffles, but he could see the quaking of his shoulders. Mingyu quietly shushed him, running his hands through his hair. 

There was about 20 minutes of this before Mingyu gently pried himself from Wonwoo’s grip, kneeling down to be eye to eye with him. He opened his mouth, but Wonwoo beat him to it.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled out. 

Mingyu pressed the older’s sweaty hair back from his forehead, kissing his head and then his cheek and then his lips. “No, no. Don’t- Don’t be sorry I should’ve answered I should’ve stayed home when you said you didn’t feel good this morning I should have - Been there. I’m sorry.” 

Wonwoo shakes his head. 

&& .

Within a month, Mingyu is allowed to come visit, it’s December and it’s so cold, he doesn’t see how anyone could like the winter. Maybe it’s just because Wonwoo’s gone. It always comes back, the thought that he should’ve been there, or at least his voice could have been there to help one way or another. Because if he was, Wonwoo wouldn’t have to be here for 6 months, or longer if he doesn’t show signs of progress. 

He knew Wonwoo’s - Disorders, Problems, whatever you want to call them, were bad, and he should’ve known better than to leave when Wonwoo told him that it was going to be a bad day for him and he just - It’s been eating at him for a month and a half, and he’s hoping maybe - Maybe this will help both of them a little bit. 

When he walks in, he greets the lady at the front desk and is shown the main room, where other people are also meeting with friends or family, and sits down at the table Wonwoo is at. When he looks up from his book, a small smile makes itself known. He reaches to hold his hand across the table, because he remembers what Wonwoo said about the “Not-too-much-physical-contact rule” and can feel the monitor’s eyes burning into him. 

He ignores it and gives a soft smile in return. “Hey. What are you reading?” Books have always been a good way to start conversations with the older.

Wonwoo puts his bookmark in the book and holds it up. It’s some poetry book that looks like it’s for children, titled “The End Of The Sidewalk ( and other stories ) , and knowing Wonwoo, Mingyu figures he’s looking for the deepest meanings in all of the stanzas and between all the lines. He sets the book back down and meets Mingyu’s eye. 

“How are you feeling?” The younger asks, squeezing his hand gently. 

Wonwoo shurgs, then changes the topic. “I saw you on the news the other day.”

“You did?” 

There’s a nod and, “It made me miss you even worse.” 

Mingyu frowns. “I can come see you twice a month now. And we can keep writing.” He tries again, “How are you feeling?” 

There’s just another shrug. 

“If you feel worse, you can tell me.” 

“I don’t know. They put me on this medicine and it makes me feel weird.”

The younger’s frown deepens. “Can’t you tell them that?” 

“I don’t want - When I get out of here I’m not going to take any. I don’t want it. When it makes me happy it feels gross and artificial.” 

“Wonwoo, if it doesn’t get you weirdly high, then you need to be taking it because it means you need it. These people know what they’re doing, okay? And if they don’t and they hurt you - I’ll cause a scene and everyone will know about the malpractice against Kim Mingyu’s boyfriend and this will be called the Kim-Jeon Phsychiatric and Trauma Treament Center.”

Wonwoo’s throat rumbles with a quiet laugh, thumb circling over the back of Mingyu’s hand. “I’ll be fine. I just want to go home. I’m sure it’s a mess now, huh?” He quietly teases, and it catches Mingyu off guard just a bit before he stiffles a laugh as well. He’s not going to straight up lie, but it is a mess, so his only answer is, “I’ve been trying.”

&&

Each time, Mingyu asks how he’s feeling and for the first 3 months it’s not very good, and sometimes a little better but after that time, Wonwoo’s even starting to look better, and he says he feels a bit better. Mingyu insists that Wonwoo tell him if there’s anything weird going on, because he’s always been wary of these places, but Wonwoo soothes his worries. 

He’s still taking the same medicine, but a smaller dose now. He tells Mingyu that he started writing a children’s book and he made a friend ( singular, and yup, that sounds like Wonwoo ) named Soonyoung. He even introduced them. 

 

Soonyoung is - A little crazy, hyper, but he seems like a good enough guy. He’s a little short ( compared to Mingyu and Wonwoo anyway, but who isn’t ) and a dancer, and Mingyu was going to ask why exactly he was here as well, but figured it wasn’t his business. Wonwoo tells him later on that his best friend was killed when they were a little younger, and it really messed him up and now he was basically a permanent resident. 

&&

Mingyu is ecstatic, two weeks ago, Wonwoo was cleared to go when his initially assigned time was up. He’s supposed to bring him clothes today, because he gets out tomorrow and he’s already got the entire day planned out. ( Of course, there’s not much planned, because Wonwoo doesn’t like being busy, and they’ll only go with the plan if he feels up to it )

He grabs a pair of Wonwoo’s grey skinny jeans, a black zip-up jacket, and one of his Wacko Maria shirts, because it’s his favourite brand that Mingyu introduced him to. When he gets there, he hands it to him and quickly bids him goodbye, as he’s got a few more things to get for tomorrow. 

When he wakes up the next morning, it’s only an hour until noon, which is the earliest he’s allowed to pick Wonwoo up, and it takes 30 minutes to get there. It takes 45 for him to shower and style his hair and get everything together. 

He arrives at almost 1 o clock, and Wonwoo is waiting for him in all his beauty. He got his hair cut at the beginning of the month, and this is the first time Mingyu’s seen it fully styled in 6 months. He forgot how good it looked, honestly. They check out and when they get in the car, he attacks Wonwoo with kisses. 

Wonwoo’s cheeks turn a nice pink color and Mingyu is proud of himself as they drive away. “So. Do you wanna get something to eat?” He’s noticed that Wonwoo’s put on some weight too. Not too much, but he’s finally got some meat on his bones and he doesn’t think he could count his boyfriends ribs anymore, which he thinks is a good thing. 

They do go out to eat,at Wendy’s of all places, because Wonwoo said he missed eating fast food, even though he didn’t like it all that much before, and Mingyu can’t stopped staring because Wonwoo smiles more now and he’s got his boyfriend back, and said boyfriend is doing better than he has been in a long time and Mingyu is so happy about him and for him and he thinks this must be heaven. 

Really, he thought about some nice welcome-home-sex but Wonwoo doesn’t seem to be in the mood for it, hasn’t showed any signs of it, and Mingyu isn’t feeling it. He’s honestly happy and a little tired and he’s feeling really soft and gay to have his boyfriend back in their home with him for good, and he just wants to lay in bed and kiss him and just - Have him in his arms. 

So he does, and it’s good.


End file.
